Saturday, January 5, 2008

A New Office, and The Battle Vs. Exhaustion

Friday was a good day, and also a bad day.

It was good because I finally closed the deal on my new office space, abandoning at last seven years of working at home, a plan that worked well when I was single but has become a nightmare with a wife and two kids. It's amazing I've lasted this long actually, and I have the debts to prove it.

It was a bad day because in my daily battle against exhaustion, I was doing very poorly. I'm tired most days, at least for part of the day, but yesterday was worse. This was because I got up at 9, no big deal, you might say, except that I went to bed at 3 am as I often (generally) do. No big deal, you might continue to say, but unfortuately I don't function normally on six hours sleep. If I can't take a decent nap, I spend the day in an angry haze. I snap at people. Sometimes I even throw and hit things, usually things I need like my phone or my keyboard. This time I got so aggravated with the bureaucracy that I told my wife and a good friend of ours how much I hate this country at times, and how much I would love to get out of here.

When I was single, and not a parent, I loved being out of sync with the rest of the world. When I lived in New York, I'd take a nap at 9 or 10 pm and work until 3- then watch TV until 4 or 5. Sometimes I'd sleep too late to get breakfast at the local greasy spoon that closed at 3. I loved taking the train into Manhattan on my way to Capoeira class and watch all the jam-packed trains on the way out. It was relaxing. It was fun. I lived in New York and didn't get stressed out.

Now I stay up this late (it's 5 of 3 right now) out of necessity. This is the only time I can work, because Lucas won't let me alone when he's awake. I got more done when he was in school, but he's on summer vacation now- in January, this being the southern hemisphere. I sleep late in the morning and I miss out on time with him. I'm out of step with my family. It's driving me nuts. I want to be on a normal schedule now. Not to mention, I can't run out to the local bodega at 2 am for a pint of ice cream: no bodega open at 2. Dangerous. And the ice cream isn't as good anyways.

So that's what the office is about- it's going to be my sanctuary from my family so I can enjoy my family more. This works well on a couple levels- my natural tendency to hermit will be satisfied every day I go in there (try to explain that to a Brazilian- a natural tendency to hermit) and I will have lots of big unbroken blocks of time to concentrate. I might even be able to climb out of debt, even with the extra expenses.

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